The Battle Between Planning and Magic


I’ve been finding teaching difficult. It weighs on my mind every night. How can I help this one individual?  How can one lesson do that for 20 kids? I don’t want anyone left out or behind. At the same time, I want a solid, concrete, graphically organized plan of what i’m going to teach and what all the students have to accomplish.

This is the overwhelming bit of teaching for me. The making EVERYTHING come together. The planning and the magic.It stretches itself into everything, every aspect. What I wear, how I feel, how I eat, what I teach, how I teach. I’m learning that theres a balance. That free learning is too wide and planned learning is too narrow. However that simply leaves me stuck in a blind state, which I suppose is what teaching is in general- a blind state. Fumbling around with plans and ideas and concepts and hoping something soaks in.

I’m not sure i’m built for full classroom teaching. I love small groups and individual teaching and the ‘magic’ part. The planning part is full of anxiety and ‘don’t forget this’ and ‘leave out thats’. Its all a process I suppose…but honestly, the highs and lows of teaching and of learning are quite exhausting.

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And yes, I’ve been surviving on coffee and matcha. I don’t think I’ve had one full glass of water in 7 days. This weekend is a getting back to basics weekend for me. Lots of yoga, lots of water, lots of patience and candles burning and acoustic music and cleaning and re-finding balance, the balance between magic and planned.


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