Right now I am typing this post with my right hand. My left hand is busy holding my laptop screen because the moment I let go, it turns white. A few weeks ago one of the connectors from my laptop screen to my computer started to fail…leaving me laptopless for the most part. This is why posts have not been regular or coming at all. Its not for lack of writing or photo taking- I swear!
The truth is, a few days ago I hit my one month of living abroad. Doing this was about having 6 months of doing something ‘different’ with my life, having an adventure, however after one month of living here, I’m finding it’s been actually quite ‘similar’ to previous moves I’ve done (minus the language and food changes of course). Beginnings are difficult-no matter where you are moving, no matter for how long. I’m still nervous about ‘what comes next’ and I’m still panicked over whether it was ‘the right move’. Moves are meant to teach us that there is no right or wrong move. That, really, there is no next. Theres just you, wondering how you went from tutoring your student through a simple english assignment to managing a full on 11 year old emotional break down. This past month I have felt absolutely everything: excitement, wanderlust, paranoia, fear, resentment, creativity, dullness, gratefulness, expansion, loss, guilt, strength…the list goes on. And I’ve realized- I didn’t take this crazy 6 month job to do ‘something a little different’ for a while- I think I did it so I would know that I actually can feel all this, do all this, and make it on okay. I think I needed that so I could start something going forward…something big and beautiful and amazing and wonderful. I think I just needed to know that I could do it and feel it all.
I think a lot of us wonder those things, could I do that, could I make it through that. And I think a lot of us are told we can and still sit in disbelief. You don’t really know until you know.
I’ve got 5 months left and there are days I say that exasperated and there are days I say that excited. Either way, it’s true. I’m excited to see what month 2 brings. I have a feeling it’s going to fly by- I have a lot of travel planned and fun stuff coming up- all of which will probably be shared after I figure out my tech situation.